During pregnancy, I often thought about the type of mother I would be. Would my maternal instincts kick in or would I crumble under pressure?
The uncertainty of motherhood lured me into the comparison trap.
I started comparing myself to other moms, especially those who were close in age. I would “look at” everything they had on their plates and I wanted the same. At, the time I was more interested in recognition.
Comparison left me distracted. I began doubting my abilities. I thought maybe motherhood wasn’t for me. It was a struggle in the beginning.
I fell victim to the allusion that everything I was going through just pertained to my world. I felt everyone had it together, but me. Because I was busy comparing myself to other moms, I missed what was important. In reality, I had achieved a lot more than I gave myself credit for.
One afternoon, I was journaling and I wrote down everything I accomplished so far in motherhood. I realized I surpassed my breastfeeding goals, attained my bachelor’s degree and I nurtured a happy baby. At that moment, I had a perspective shift…
I am a damn good mom.
This shift in emotions allowed me to see myself in all my glory. I was exactly where I needed to be in my life’s journey. There’s nothing more freeing than being happy with who you are even though you still have more growing to do.
What someone has or what their doing is meant for them. It is specific for their life’s journey. Not you! Comparing your path with someone else’s, will keep you from seeing the future that’s meant for you.
Below, I’ve complied a few tips to help alleviate the burden of the comparison trap.
Focus on you. When you are focused on what other people are doing you can’t invest time in yourself. You have to be willing to invest in yourself because no one else will. Take time to learn yourself and what you’re good at. Perfect your craft! Don’t ever think that your dreams are invalid. Try to set daily goals.
Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging people. This creates an emotional safety net for you. When you sense negative thoughts are about to arise, reach out to those people. You don’t always have to tell them you’re going through. Just be casual. Most importantly be a friend.
Leave the house! This was a big factor for me. After my daughter was born, I just wouldn’t leave the house. My thoughts consumed me, which affected how I interacted with my new baby. Being at home all the time wasn’t healthy. So I took charge, and forced myself to get fresh air. We went for strolls around the park a few times a week. This helped to clear my head space.
Take a break from social media, from time to time. Yes, social media can be an excellent source of motivation and inspiration, but it can also trigger negative emotions like self-doubt and other inadequacies. Think of your break as a detox. You’re clarifying your mind for the better. Doing this will help to foster peace in your emotional space.
Daily affirmations: “You is beautiful. You is kind. You is smart.” Write down positive attributes about yourself and read them daily. During the day, if you begin to struggle with comparison, read those notes. I have daily reminders on my phone that remind me of my greatness. There’s nothing wrong with affirming yourself. Self-love is the best love!
Know that you are enough. What you have is enough. What you’re doing is enough. At times, these are some of the hardest concepts to grasp because we think have to have everything together. But, you don’t need to have it all together to be great!
Where ever you are in life, now, isn’t where you will end up. As you grow, you will see the beauty in both your past and present self.
It takes strength, willingness, and consistency to change your thought process. This won’t happen overnight. It’s a slow progression. Be proactive and fight for change.
Don’t worry, you got this boo!